Soapbox: Airport/Airplane Etiquette

I have been eluding to this post for a bit now.. but really its been a work in progress over the past few months ... pretty much every.single.time. I am at the airport type work in progress... and my next trip, I will probably have eight hundred additional things I want to add so this may be followed up with part 2! But none-the-less... let's get into my biggest airport/airplane pet peeves suggestions..

Be ready for Security:

• The first complaint suggestion is more the fault of the airport than the traveler, but there should be an "experienced line" & an "inexperienced line" - Yes, I am aware that there is a priority access lane, but that just gets me to the front faster. Then I am joined with the rest of the idiots population and have to deal with their not so smartness. Boston - you get an A+++++ You have this line that I love... Now if the rest of the country could just get to it, that would be grrrreeeaattt!
• SHOES OFF!!!! This isnt new people. Wear shoes that are easy to slip on and off... Or untie your shoes while in line... Get prepared! You are wasting my time.
• Everything out of your pockets!!! This includes change - its metal, dumbass. ((You're belt also needs to come off... same reasons....))
• There is no way to avoid the X-ray Scanner. The more you avoid eye contact with TSA the more likely you are to be chosen. Dont worry, it doesnt hurt and NO ONE is taking it home to look at later, freak.

Monday morning travelers mean business: Literally. Get the eff out the way. We have places to be people and we are not going on vacation.

Boarding:

If you arent in first class, considered executive platinum, platinum, uniformed military, or priority access, move your ass away from the line to board. you.are.in.the.way. You are considered "general boarding" If you are in Group 6, you do not belong at the front of the line. The rest of us arent looking for an obstacle course to the plane... And if you are seriously in Group 6, save us all the time and check your bag at the gate. Likely, there will not be any room for your roll on, plus your purse, plus that sneaky third bag you are hiding. Its free at the gate... take it. Or delay our flight by bringing it on, all the way to the back and then back off the flight.. while hitting others in both directions... thats cool too.

Carry On Luggage:

• Learn to lcarry your carry ons. No one enjoys being hit in the head with your suitcase.
• Dont set your bag in the middle of the aisle while you settle in. There are other people that need to get on and you are holding up all 100+ of them
• Baggage should go above your row. Not mine. Yours. When I board and no one is in any of the rows around me, yet there is no overhead space for my computer bag I am livid. And the idiots in the back are the culprits. If youre bag is too heavy to carry to the back of the plane, either pack lighter, start working out, or upgrade. This is out of control.
• However, if you fall victim to the idiots in the back, and your bag ends up above their seat and you are a good 10+ rows in front of them.. just give it up, sit in your seats until the idiots deplane ((you can go ahead and give them a nasty look when they grab their bag from above your seat - it'll make you feel better)) but dont bother trying to get to the back itll be easier to be the last off the plane.

Uncommon Sense:

• Dont go to the bathroom while people are continuing to board the plane (if you are in coach) and expect to get back to your seat. We are people, not salmon

• Dont kick, hit, pull the chair in front of you. This includes doing your stretches. Sometimes I wish I could get up and sit in the seat behind the person behind me and give them a taste of their own medicine... this might be a good learning lesson for some.
• Dont free fall your tray. Hold it down as you lower it so I cant feel the boingongong effect
• Dont sleep against the back of my chair. Your face planted in my back is disgusting. I need not smell your breath.
• Slowly recline your seat - dont jolt back like you want to hit me in the face.
• If your seatmate is sleeping - DO NOT CLIMB OVER THEM. Would you want to wake up to someone straddling you? For what its worth, just go with the rule of thumb that climbing over your seatmate is never ok. Never. period. Not when you get in the row, to go to the restroom, to stretch your legs... no matter what, dont do it. Its not the optimal ice breaker.
• If I can hear your music its too loud. Nothing more to it than that.

Arm Rest:

• The middle seat person needs an arm rest too. Dont be a hog!
• If you are the middle person, you are not entitled to my arm rest aaand a quarter of my aisle seat, damn it. I have status and am not in the middle seat for a reason!
• Middle Seat: Since we are already on the subject - if you arent "middle seat size" pay the extra $15 for the better seat. You'll be happier and so will I.

Additional Seat Etiquette:

• I personally am a fan of Indian Style seating.. yes, after all of my complaints I am aware that this is complaint of others; however hear me out for a sec. - I only sit this way (& usually its a half Indian) in first class or if no one is next to me. When you do it abide by my personal rules ((Clearly I'm not asking for much -ha!)) But seriously, no one wants to be kicked by you or smell your feet for that matter.

• If I dont make more contact with you than when you signal to me that you're sitting in my row, I dont want to talk to you. If I have ear buds in, I dont want to talk to you. If I'm reading, I dont want to talk to you. If I'm surfing the internet, I dont want to talk to you. None of these actions are invitations for you to peer over my shoulder and strike up a conversation.

Deplaning: Although it may not always seem like it, there is a proper way to deplane. Aisle by aisle. Front to back. If you are in the last row, dont jump up and try to beat everyone. Its not a way to make friends, and you arent going to make it very far.

I would love to hear your additions to my list... or to tell me my way is the wrong way.... & I am 99.9% sure that I will be having a part 2 to this post... :)

Happy Tuesday Yall!